FLAWSOME #2 (from Feb/2018)

** In February 2018, I wrote a series of emails (to folks who subscribed). 30 emails in 30 days. I've rejigged them a bit and put them here on my blog. The idea was/is that I wanted to engage in conversation via letters/emails, but the same can be done here, in this format.**

I feel like a lot of the fuel for these posts will come from your amazing replies.
It already is!!
So good.

{deep bow}

My big, big bro replied.
I love him so much...
These are the words I sent to him, and I thought, wow, this is so personal but also UNIVERSAL!

{after these rambling words}

You could easily replace 'Family' with:
client
dog
co-worker
hairdresser
spouse/partner
accountant
car mechanic
your dentist, massage therapist, yoga teacher
ANYONE!
EVERYONE! :)

Holy poop! I think I might be onto something here...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{These are the words}

Thanks for subscribing and taking the time to read.
When I saw that you had subscribed, I felt a little nervous that someone so close to me would be reading my words.
I thought about 'sugar coating'...
I shook my noggin, little fist held to the sky and said,

"No!"

{yes, it's in bold because it feels bold}

Part of the reason I am doing this project is to develop REAL, honest, open relationships with everyone!
Including you.

Why would I EXCLUDE YOU??
That's nuts!!!

It goes against the whole idea of being vulnerable, open and honest.
And what would that say about our relationship?
I think one thing it would say (unconsciously) would be that I don't TRUST you with my true real feelings.
If I can't trust the people I love with all that stuff then, what the fuck???!!!
That's a total bullshit, fake relationship.

I think it's EXACTLY the place to start - FAMILY - GROUND ZERO!
Saying "I love you" should be shorthand for:

"I trust you" 

"I'm committed to being honest with you, even when I am afraid, even when everything hurts. ESPECIALLY when everything hurts"

"When I share my discomfort with you because I trust you, I KNOW that you are strong enough, secure enough, powerful enough, trustWORTHY, to let it all LAND on you and not take it personally."

"I am secure in the knowledge that you are taking care of yourself and if you need help with that YOU will trust ME to help you"

And SO MUCH MORE!!!!

{Crikey!}

I think 'sugar coating' is a bit of an epidemic. 
Nobody is REALLY speaking their true truth...
If we can't develop relationships like this with the people who are the closest to us, how can we possibly know who we are? 
How can we say we know THEM?

I think we are all afraid.
We are always 'protecting' people from what we REALLY think and feel. We don't want to hurt people...
The culture we live in supports this, which makes it so hard to break from.

If I can't be honest with my closest folks, I don't stand a chance of being truly honest with myself...

I love you!!!

{which means all of that stuff up there and so much more}

~Cazzy📷
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Wow!
I've literally 'known' this guy my whole life...and little tears come out of my eyes to open up to him. They feel a bit like grief... like I've wasted a really good part of my life in a sibling relationship with him that has not been as meaningful as it could've been.
The tears also feel like relief.
He 'sees' me, and I want to 'see' more of him.

{peek-a-boo!}

Nothing to hide.
I trust him.
I love him.

{I guess this is a love letter :) }

I teach at my local University (Acadia). I teach yoga in the School of Kinesiology.
Yep, Yoga for CREDIT!! So awesome...

One of the ways my students get graded is by sending me three entries in their personal development journal, weekly.
In the class, the students have readings on the eight limbs of yoga.
We just worked our way through the Yamas and Niyamas

One of the MANY tricky things is to balance AHIMSA (non-harming/non-violence) with SATYA (truthfulness).

{In his book 'THREADS OF YOGA', Mathew Remski offers the updated, possible translation of 'protection' for Ahimsa and 'honesty' for Satya. I like that.}

We talk about the quintessential, everyday universal question:

"how does my butt look in these pants?"

{I know. Right??!!  Most of the time it feels like a trap, you panic and say either something stupid or just right-out-lie- If you are not comfortable with the slew of answers, JUST DON'T ASK! #amiright. Gawd!}

Anyway, It's relatable to the 20-something crowd...

Dilemma.
So whaddayado?

Maybe you ask them WHY they asked??

"Is this about the actual pants?"

"are you feeling insecure right now and you need some reassurance?"

"are you feeling like you want a reason to be aggressive and feel unsupported..?"

What lies under the question?

{Stupid pants. Often, it's NOT ABOUT THE PANTS!}

You don't want to 'hurt their feelings' (ahimsa), but you want to practice honesty/truthfulness (satya).
I don't have any answers, just more questions. 
Ha!

{Sorry...}

When it comes down to it, all we REALLY have is our relationships. 

It's all so fleeting...
Let's be BETTER at them, OK?

xo
~C
P.S. - Listen to this song. Watch the video. I love Millie Bobby Brown...all that raw emotion!