FLAWSOME

#3 (from Feb/2018)

** In February 2018, I wrote a series of emails (to folks who subscribed). 30 emails in 30 days. I've rejigged them a bit and put them here on my blog. The idea was/is that I wanted to engage in conversation via letters/emails, but the same can be done here, in this format.**

It seems a lot of people want to know my 'flow' for writing

{that's a total lie, nobody asked}

You will notice that this one is coming out a little late.

{Are you ready for the excuses?}

Yesterday, pretty much ALL day, I had so many ideas. So much creativity, as to what I was going to write for the third email.

And now I got nothin’!

Ha ha ha!

{sorry}

I'm pretty sure that I have a learning disability.

I'm quite certain that I have dysgraphia.

My younger son has actually been diagnosed with dysgraphia. After his assessment, we went to see the psychologist, who tested him, and when she was going through all the things, I kept thinking,

“Oh my goodness! That's me!"

“*I* have all of those things… That feels like how my brain works/doesn't work!!!!"

So writing is really hard.

I love writing, but it's HARD!

Kind of like Brazilian jujitsu...I love BJJ, and it is so, so, so hard! 

So, how it kind of works for my son (and me?) is we can use words with our mouths and communicate quite well that way, but when it comes to putting those words on paper, and to make sense, it just gets blocked.

It’s the descriptive stuff that gets lost.

Words don't flowingly come out of a pencil or a keyboard.

So right now I'm actually using voice-to-text/dictation to get my thoughts down.

It's a bit of an experiment; I'm still figuring out how to use it.

It's still getting used to ME also!

It's frustrating the way it hears my words (the WRONG way!!).

And of course, there's no grammar… So there will be a lot of editing before I send this to you.

{but probably not enough}

This is probably going to be one of the most boring emails ever!

Ha ha!

{I can hear the clicking of dozens of people unsubscribing right now. "I'm tired of reading this drivel!" *click*}

Elizabeth Gilbert, quite a while ago, did a TED Talk about creativity. It's called Your Creative Elusive Genius. It's so good! You’ve probably seen it…{Watch it again}

I listen to it on a semi-regular basis.

She talks about how creativity is like a runaway train... It's coming toward you, and you either have to catch it or get out of the way.

Since I've been writing, I feel like this. I feel like I need to have a keyboard near me all the time or at least a way to dictate my thoughts.

My thoughts are so much more exciting, way more interesting than my words!

{You just need to read my genius thoughts!!}

And then my written words are so less exciting than my voiced words…It never quite comes out the way that I wanted.

It's funny, this writing thing...

I think what it really comes down to is that I just want to be understood.

I think we ALL just want to be understood.

Isn't that the whole point of communication?

Isn't that why we write?

I often wonder how challenging, how difficult it must be for somebody who has had a stroke and has lost the ability to communicate verbally.

I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be...

{it took 7 times for ‘voice to text’ to recognise the word ‘verbally’ forfuckssake}

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{Pause}

Make coffee

Feed dog

Snuggle dog

Do dishes

{Unpause} 

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Do you see how I hooked you in there?

I’m doing that thing again!!!

The PRE-UNDERRATEDNESS. THE UNDERDOGGING.

{Did you catch it?}

I just caught myself in the act of it!!!

It’s all true, by the way… It’s not that I’m bullshitting you, but do you see how I’m playing it up? Frig.

This thing runs real deep.

I’m coming up with all of the reasons that this could be a totally shitty email.

{Do you see all of the foreshadowing?}

So when you DO read it, you’ll be like,

“Aw, she’s doing so great, for someone who has such a difficult time with it”

“Oh, wow! She has {undiagnosed} dysgraphia… She’s so brave!” 

Perhaps it’s just the little tiny ‘me’ that needs some attention right now, or I’m somehow manipulating you to like me.

Frig… 

What?

WHY???? 

Time for breakfast 

Xo 

~C